Helping Your Child Cope when BFF Moves Away

It is a sad phase in life when your BFF moves away. Well for young children, these are some big emotions and confusions. Here are some tips to help your child cope when their BFF moves away.

This weekend we hosted a “last supper” lunch and playdate for Lady Yeya’s BFF from nursery and his parents who are moving to Barcelona. Her little friend “T” was adopted by an Argentine gay couple when he was 2.5 years old right in the middle of the lockdown. At pre-school, the only friend Lady Yeya ever talked about was “T” who shared her love for all things Paw Patrol. 

Playdate and Lunch Dates

A few playdates later, Kenz and I became also good friends with T’s parents. As Argentines, they share Kenz’ passion for all things BBQ, movies, and politics. We’ve built mutual trust and helped each other with childcare needs and dog sitting. We came to their aid when their abuela ended up in the hospital with a slipped disc on Boxing Day. We hosted “T” so they can balance work and hospital visits. Likewise, they hosted Lady Yeya for our anniversary day out and Buddy when we went to Lanzarote recently. 

We have shared many good laughs over long BBQ lunches and impromptu coffee dates. At Halloween, T’s parents dropped the news that they are moving to Barcelona as part of a company transfer. As expats, we are no strangers to friends moving abroad or relocating back home. It’s part of expat life and we totally understand. But for young children, they simply don’t. The concept of a BFF moving away is completely foreign. 

Helping your Child Cope 

Fast forward a few months later, here we are. Time to say goodbye. Adidos mi amigo.  I did some research on how to support Lady Yeya when a BFF moves away. Yes, children are resilient and she will cope. But still. It is a sad phase when a BFF moves away. So what can you do to support your child when their BFF moves away? Here are my top tips that helped Lady Yeya. 

1. Share the Big News at the Right Time: We told Lady Yeya about T’s impending move around Christmas. She doesn’t understand the concept of “time” i.e. in 4 months and so forth.  But she understands the sequence of events such as Halloween comes first, then Christmas. So T’s move to Barcelona will happen after our trip to Lanzarote, but likely around her birthday. 
2. Set Up “Special” Play Dates with the BFF: Because Lady Yeya and T attend different schools, we made an extra effort to organise ‘special’ play dates for the kids. At each playdate, we always remind her that T will be moving to Barcelona soon, so these play dates are ‘special’. For the penultimate playdate, we hosted “T” and his parents for a ‘last supper’ Argentine BBQ-themed lunch. She missed her school friends’ three-way birthday party in order to host this special playdate lunch. 
3. Talk About Feelings: Initially, Lady Yeya did not have strong reactions about T’s impending move. But it did hit like a ton of bricks later. Out of nowhere after bath, Lady Yeya started crying “I don’t want “T” to move away. I am sad. I’m not going to see “T”.”  Heartbroken for her, but relieved to see her understand her own emotions. All I can do is to validate her feelings and give extra cuddles, telling her it is okay to feel sad. 
4. Explain Why: Lady Yeya understands that her Dad and I are from California and moved to London for a job opportunity. Likewise her Aunt C and Uncle B live in Hong Kong. Families move away for new opportunities is what we tell Lady Yeya. So we are happy for T and his parents on this new adventure in Barcelona. I tell Lady Yeya that she needs to be brave for her friend “T”. Why? Well “T” will also be sad, but it will be hard for “T” because he will have a new home in a new city and a new school. He’ll need to make new friends. It will be a big adjustment for “T” so we all need to be brave for him. 
5. Encourage New Activities: We recently registered Lady Yeya for weekly tennis lessons on Saturday mornings. Luckily she is enjoying tennis and made a new American friend. Their new friendship is really sweet to see. Having just met, her new friend “A” was comfortable with a two-hour drop-off playdate, even though “A” has never stepped foot in our home. It was a win-win situation as A’s mum had to take older brother to football in Hilly Fields and we were pleased for Lady Yeya given T’s move. 

Lady Yeya is coping well with her BFF moving away. But who knows, maybe another wave of emotion will hit her later. But at least it is comforting to know that they are a FaceTime call away and only a short flight to sunny Spain. I think a reunion is in the plan soon, we hope. 

Adidos mi Amigos!