Did you say “Terrible Twos?”
Did you say “terrible twos?” Oh great, my precious tot is now two and a half!
Lady Yeya is now 2.5 years old, exactly 30 months old. It’s insane how time is flying by. Lady Yeya sprouted like a bean over lockdown and is blossoming into a curious, clever and sweet little girl. Her vocabulary exploded in recent months, saying complete sentences and engaging in simple conversations. It’s so rewarding to watch her grow into a little girl.
The toddler years are definitely a lot easier than the baby phase in many ways. For one, toddlers are more independent and can feed themselves, brush their teeth (with help), and follow simple instructions such as “tidy-up”. I am enjoying the toddler years, but one thing I do not love is the so-called “terrible twos.” Yes, dare I say it. The unruly “terrible twos.” So how to do we go from “terrible twos” to “terrific twos?”
A few of my mom friends exchanged stories in solidarity at the park of our latest run-ins with the “terrible twos” and all the uglies – tantrums, meltdowns, hitting and biting. The truth is tantrums are a normal part of toddler life. Whilst “terrible twos” are the rite of passage in toddlerhood, it also very grating on us parents dealing with the constant need to test boundaries. Toddlers find every clever way to test their limits and push our buttons.
I shared a recent story with my mom friend of a power struggle that turned into a full tantrum mode with Lady Yeya during dinner. Although we bid a fond adieu to afternoon naps, Lady Yeya does have a catnap a few times a week, but on that particular day, she didn’t nap. It’s the dreaded “witching hour” and Lady Yeya was getting cranky.
Me: “Yeya, It’s dinner time. Mama made saag Chicken (mild Indian Spinach Chicken) with rice. Let’s come and eat.”
Lady Yeya: “No, I don’t want to eat right now. I’m too full to eat anything. I want Peppa Pig now.”
Me: “No, Yeya. You know the rules. If you eat your dinner very well, then you can watch Peppa Pig.”
Lady Yeya: “I don’t want to eat right now.”
She starts whining and wailing like a banshee for the next 10 minutes (although it felt like 60 minutes!) pouting at the dinner table.
Me: “Yeya, do you want to watch Peppa Pig?”
Lady Yeya: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, then. Let’s eat dinner first. It’s your choice. If you want Peppa Pig, you need to eat your dinner first.”
Lady Yeya: “NO!! {She throws her spoon off the table which is a big no-no} I don’t want to eat! NO!” {She pushes her plate away}
The crying continues. Another 10 minutes pass by and we’re at a stand-off. She’s waiting for us to cave in and continues wailing. Lady Yeya then gets very frustrated that she can’t get her way. Her banshee howls are now full-blown tears steaming down her red-faced cheeks. By this time, I was ready to throw in the towel and feeling utterly exasperated after some 45 minutes of tears and whinge. But I resisted. There was no point in rationalising or using logic with her as she is full of uncontrollable emotions.
I then gave her lots of cuddles and reassurance and also acknowledged her frustrations. “It’s hard dealing with all these big emotions,” I explained to her, “but Mama and Dadda are here to help you.” I cuddled with her until she was calm again. I explained to her that she needs to eat her dinner before some television time, so let’s try eating together. She thought about it, sulking in my arms. Then by her own accord, she picked up her spoon and started eating her saag chicken. In the end, it was win-win at the end, but it took a lot of patience and firm yet gentle parenting.
I continued the conversation with my mom friends about how to deal with the annoying “terrible two” phase. If I had to summarise our conclusions, these would be our collective top tips for managing the dreaded “terrible twos.” Hopefully, with consistent and firm parenting, this unruly phase will pass sooner rather than later.
Keeping to Routine: We were drilled as new parents to keep your baby on a good routine and it’s no acceptance during the toddler years. Kids thrive on routine. Although we dropped the nap, we always adhere to the “quiet time” precisely to mitigate against the irritability factor during the “witching hour.”
Preventing “Hangry”: We can all get cranky when hungry. Well, the same applies to toddlers. In addition to keeping to regular mealtime, bring lots of snacks on outings to the playground, parks, and museums.
Knowing the Triggers: Communications is key so they know the expectations. It used to be a struggle getting Lady Yeya to leave the playground as she doesn’t want to leave. Now we give Lady Yeya a 5-minute and 2-minute warning or tell her that she can go on the slide X more times, or 10 more pushes on the swings. It took some time but now there are no power struggles at the park.
Using Distraction Method: When tantrum starts, I try to use the distraction method to redirect Lady Yeya’s attention elsewhere. It is usually a question so she can activate her logical side of her brain before the big emotions consume her. If the tantrum reaches a point of no return, then it’s all about cuddles and we try work through the tantrum together.
Being Consistent and Firm: Do not give in to tantrums. In my view, giving in to tantrums and allowing them to cross the boundary just sets you up for more difficulties in the long-run.
Be firm and consistent on boundaries. In time, they will understand that boundaries are non-negotiable.
The toddler years are high time for gentle discipline and boundary setting. And that is our job as parents to raise well-mannered, respectful, and kind children. That said, we pick our battles and some silly battles such as different colour socks aren’t worth it in order to save our sanity.
So let’s say hello and goodbye to the unruly “terrible twos” so we can enjoy the rest of the toddler years with our little tots.
